I entered the weight loss challenge at work. For the second time. Not that I need to be challenged by others to lose weight. Losing weight for me is a challenge in itself.
It was never among my worries to lose weight. Even after having my 3rd child at 39 and putting a lot of extra pounds, I was still with a good weight. I still had energy, good health and my well woman visits always finished with “I wished all my patients were like you” from the doctor.
Only after losing my son that everything changed. It was a non-stop pain, treated with so many medications, therapies, all while aging faster than usual that things got totally out of control. Adding a teenage daughter to the mix didn’t make it any easier.
When the haze of the profound depression got thin enough for me to see a family practice physician again, she told me that my cholesterol was not high, but not good and I had to lose 10 lbs. This was 30 lbs ago.
When they announced the Weight Loss Challenge at work I decided to give it a try. I managed to not only come in last, but I was also the only one that gained weight overall.
Since my losing weight quest began, I’m convinced that it is more of a mental attitude than anything else.
It sure takes a lot of exercise and diet changes, but nothing seems to work if you don’t have the correct mental framework to accommodate all that.
Here is the crux of my weight loss Calvary: I have very little control of my brain. Maybe because 5 years straight with antidepressants change its internal chemistry so much that I don’t know myself anymore.
In a way it works better than before, because I don’t have the profound bouts of depression anymore and my approach to life changed significantly. I’m less afraid of trying, I’m more confident of myself, because after losing a child, all other losses are dwarfed and we are not afraid anymore. Add this to menopause, the loss of the ability to generate life, than you have the perfect concoction for a carefree life, when even coloring the hair orange and green is game.
Forget about counting calories, steps, exercise minutes. All you want is to fit on your high school jeans. Here my new brain chimes in:” let’s be honest… Even if you lose that much weight, how good would a 50 year old look in very old fashioned jeans from the 1970s?”
No way to rebut that, so let’s chow down one more slice of NY style cheese cake with cherries on top.
If I see Angelina Jolie strolling gorgeously on the red carpet, my wise chemically enhanced brain kicks in again:”she is paid to be beautiful. If she puts on weight she can’t get a job, but no matter how gorgeous you become, this won’t add a penny to your income. On the contrary, it will make it harder to get a decent programming job, because everybody knows that unicorns and gorgeous geeks don’t exist.”
Did I mention that pecan pie with vanilla ice cream is the image projected in my brain after this thought?
